It's unavoidable. You are going to be confronted with them at some point. Either in person, on social, or even just hearing their name mentioned by mutual friends.
It's ok to be scared of this happening.
It's ok to want to run away, to feel cold or numb or super anxious (those feelings are probably just your body being an absolute genius, pumping you full of adrenaline in preparation to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn).
BUT…it's probably gonna happen. Sorry to be the one to break it to ya.
…and since it's probably going to happen, here are 4 tried and true ways that you can be prepared for it. They use the genius and the power of your body and your nervous system to create a strong core and a feeling of resilience.
1. Get your physical body involved.
a. Get yourself out in nature every day, if possible. Make it a daily ritual to hug a tree, place your bare feet on the earth, watch the sun rise/set, or whatever is accessible to you.
b. Practice self-pleasure (sexually or otherwise--self pleasure can be as simple as a hand massage, or soft sweet touches to your own face). Pleasure releases oxytocin--among a lot of other yummy brain chemicals, which counteract sadness, anxiety, and lethargy.
c. Practice personal hygiene and clothing styles as a form of self-love! Use the good lotion, the good sheets, and the good shoes. Go ahead and wear that outrageous lipstick. Adorn yourself in the comfiest (or sexiest, or fanciest, or softest) outfits you desire.
d. MOVE. Dance everyday. Or do yoga. Or run. Or stretch. Or shake. Do what is accessible and comfortable to YOU. The point it, movement is an essential ingredient of a functioning system, and the more you do it, the more fluid and comfortable you will be in your skin.
2. Imagine yourself in the future.
See yourself at a time when this won't affect you so much. Do this by meditating for 5-10 minutes while you picture yourself living in all 5-senses in this future. Notice what you SEE, HEAR, FEEL, TASTE, and SMELL. Then journal about it. The power of this practice is this: Our 3-part brains don't fully “know” the difference between a lived memory and an imagined one. Thus, when you regularly indulge in this 5-senses imagined reality, you are building the neural pathways that tell your body THIS IS REAL. THIS IS HAPPENING. THIS IS POSSIBLE. Science for the win, baby.
3. Do this one trick that can be used in the spur of the moment.
If you KNOW you're going to see your ex, you can do this right before you see them. If you see them unexpectedly (worst surprise ever), my suggestion is to go to the bathroom as soon as practical, and do this exercise: Imagine a cord connecting you and your ex. Now see them drift up, up and away from you. See the cord stretching and thinning out as they get farther and farther away. When you can barely see them anymore because they've drifted out of your orbit, you can see yourself cutting the cord once and for all. Cut the cord close to your physical body, so that all that needs to go with your ex can do so, leaving you intact and whole.
4. Carry/wear an item that physically reminds you that you are STRONG.
Until you can reclaim the feeling of strength, confidence, and peace totally on your own, carry around an item of your choice that can symbolize the qualities you need in order to confidently and calmly face your ex. This could be a favorite necklace, a lucky coin, a special stone (mine is a shiva lingam stone)
…and when it's all said and done, it might still be hard (like really hard) to see your ex. And that's ok too. As Glennon Doyle says: "We can do hard things."
With time, and with these easy practices, you'll be over the hump in no time.
Hi, I'm Kyle, a VITA Certified Heartbreak and Sexual Empowerment Coach. It's my passion, my calling, and my dharmic duty to bring heartbreak healing to women who need it and are ready for it. You can schedule a FREE introductory session with me RIGHT HERE. Share your story, be witnessed, and be expertly held.
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