When Saira came to me for coaching, it was because she was no longer willing to feel anything less than whole, and when she was fully honest with herself, she knew that she hadn't been feeling whole--for a while.
It had been 2 years since her engagement with Ben ended, but she just couldn't seem to shake herself free of the last, lingering bit of heartache. It felt like the annoying cough that lasts forever after a bad cold. She knew she was SO CLOSE. She had gone through the worst of it--the all-consuming sadness, the unreal, fight-or-flight, awful part.
The wound was no longer raw, but nor was it the healed, shiny scar she wanted it to be.
Flash forward through a lovely coaching journey of inner and outer work, lots of intentional movement and emotional expression. A few key meditation and self-pleasure practices that she made a consistent anchor in her healing quest, and Saira of today feels more whole, more grounded than ever before.
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Heartbreak is more than just an emotional setback; it's a profound journey inward, a time to understand the depths of our feelings and the resilience of our spirit. As we navigate through the pain of a broken heart, it's essential to pause and reflect, to ask ourselves questions that can lead to healing and growth.
Here are three critical questions to explore in your journey of heartbreak healing.
1. What does it feel like (physically)?
→ One of the most powerful tools in coaching practice is somatic presence. Noticing the sometimes subtle, sometimes extreme physical sensations associated with the emotions we are feeling. Do you feel heaviness in your heart? Closed in or hunched shoulders? A knot in your stomach? Once you are able to identify the physical sensations, try to take some intentional movements that honor the way you're feeling, and THEN, take movements that counteract those feelings.
For example: Heavy heart?
First: Feel it. Lay down and feel gravity holding your heart to the ground. Notice all that your heart is holding, and how “of course” it feels heavy.
Next: Stand up. Breathe lightness into your heart. Bring a smile to your face, then let the smile expand into your heart. With a smiling heart, notice that the rest of your body is holding your heart up, and that it can hold some of the heaviness, sharing the load.
2. What version of me feels the hurt?
→ We are made up of a beautiful court of personalities. Take a look inside, and ask yourself which part of you this heartbreak is still impacting. Is it your sweet little inner child? Your scorned seductress? That victim-y, “woe is me”, “nobody loves me” part? Once you find that part, how can you bring compassion to it? What does it need to hear, know, feel to start
3. What am I making it mean?
→ There are the facts, there are the perspectives of each party, there are the memory nuances and changes over time…and then there's THE STORY. So often this is where we get stuck. What is the story you're clinging to that is not letting you fully heal? Is it true? Are there other ways to start thinking about it?
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Asking your broken heart these questions isn't just about finding answers. It's about starting a dialogue with yourself, one that's rooted in compassion, understanding, and hope. Each question peels back a layer of pain and reveals a part of you that's yearning for attention and care. In this journey of introspection, you'll find not just healing, but a deeper connection with the most authentic version of yourself.
XOXO
Kyle
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